The weekend Melancholy
Monday, February 14, 2011
It was Saturday, I went home after Mr. E’s killing lecture and frowned on the overflow of people at my house. With a sigh, I told myself I could never get used of the crowd. I know myself, how much I desire to be in a quiet environment and can be free from unwanted socializing activities. But life never turns out the way we want, and never fair to certain people, including me.
I wanted to sneak into my room to get a short nap, but was stopped by my mother and ended up greeting my old neighbor, Mrs. Leong, a pleasant woman who let go of me after a short conversation. I quickly went back to my room and knocked on my sis’s door, dragged her out to discharge our duties of entertaining my parent’s guests. Whilst having dinner, along with greeting all those uncles and aunties, I saw my cousins walking into my house. I was surprised by their visit. I thought they wouldn’t be here. Even my long-absent cousin, a very energetic and cute person, KL Loo had come to my house. As usual, after settling ourselves on the chairs, we started chatting. Perhaps due to the long absent, the whole conversation was fun and interesting. We talked about all sort kind of things. We shared some weird experiences and surely, we shared laughter. I was so happy at that moment, a sense of nostalgia across my heart. I couldn’t even recall when was the last time we sat together and chat? This was one of my precious moments. I tell myself, I will never forget this reunion. This reunion, that brought back so much of my memories. However, happiness didn't remain long, the reunion ended after my cousin gone for the next meeting.
The next day, it was a disaster. I learnt a great lesson, that it is time for me to awake from blissfulness, because somehow I don’t belong to all kind of happiness, at least not now. A sudden attack of someone, eventually brought me back to the reality, I guess I just meant to rot in hell to this anonymous, because I am a despicable person, i am an unfilial and disobedient child. Yes, thanks for keep repeating that I am a scumbag like how you described me, a total unfilial being, I am so relief! I don’t need to feel stress for not being able to perform well. From now on, I want to do whatever I like, disregard of what you think of me. Get a job after the CLP, work OT until late at night, and save money to buy my own house, then be in love with someone, have a baby and live on until he/she grows up, then die. All of these, I don’t want you to participate in my decision making at all. Whether you like it or not, is my choice, I won’t stop inhale because you don’t agree with my life and decisions. You can continue cursing me, blaming me for my unfiliality, for I never the best one for you, and stop complaining that you raised me up for 24 years, you don’t need to if you don’t want. I am enough of life being sensitive of what you put to me, I don’t deserve that. Thank you. I am a monster, I am an evil. Sorry that you give birth to such indecent being. Thank you for the 24 years of “taking care” of me, I so appreciated. Thank you!
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the shopping route of shopaholic
Sunday, March 15, 2009
who deserves best to name shopping queen? I think from today on sze leen and me deserves to honour as one. Our shopping route started from Manchester and ended up in Liverpool!!! Should you not believe Sze leen, but since me is with her, thats very possible, hahahaha. Actually it was a mistake, a lovely mistake i can say. The bus driver misgave us the information, so when we done our shopping in cheshire oaks, we took the wrong bus, and while we realised, we already in Liverpool. The not so huge but obvious sign board stating welcome to Liverpool has surprised us...ahahhahaha. What a welcome mistake to have.
Research paper still stuck in no where, gonna go on, Sher li gambate!!
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hiding ahead the future
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am back to Malaysia, run away like a loser. i am going to resit, i lose my merit and whatever...is only a pass, i feel so hateful, it hurts my dignity whatesoever.
Coming back to refresh myself, i hope i can do better in this year. I hope my french can improve more, i hope i can be more diligent and be a good student.
I am going to seek for a job very soon, i wish things wont go so bad, i am always too agitated and afraid of everything, anyway, i am always an immature being.
I want to grow up, like what shereen told me, "sherli, you have to grow up."
Be tough, be brave.
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the second day to come for December
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Feeling agitated, i think is because of my guilt of not really starting my revision. I have been talking to Sze Leen for quite long after dinner, oh well, we mostly do that....--. Today we found out something really surprising, that i actually not realised until Sze Leen told me. The story happened while we applying for young people railcard, after we finished the application and wanted to walk back, Sze Leen told me like she found out something extremely fascinating, that both of our first name start with S and L....Hers is Sze Leen Chuah, i am Sher Li Loo...haha, what a coincidence.....
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the first day of december
Monday, December 01, 2008
The sudden change of weather makes me feel like shopping, i need lots of wool to warm me up. I need to start my assignment and revision, my lazy nature kills me all the time. Today sze and me went to temple and stayed there for almost half a day, i am glad i done my studies....2 chapters!!
December will be very busy, need to go to london to attend career fair and travel to Oxford again. How good if my exam is on early december so that i need not to feel guilty while i go on for travel......anyway, i will make sure i finish my revison, i mean 80 percent of them...i wish i could keep my words.
I am kind of freak out, Grace seems to be very down from what she has written in her blog, i guess i know what she means, and i start to feel scare, for i dont want to make the same mistake if is possible, and if what happened to her id what am i thinking right now.....-- i need to study hard!!
I have had some very funny conversation with Sze about the cultures, norms and values between oriental and westerner, but most of the time i think....is not just about the cultures and environment made us who we are, but also the inner characteristic....something which are in born and hard to erase away. Well, Cultural shock...SANGAT SHOCK...ahahahhah
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the untitle
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Hmmm, i neglect my blog for too long, now that i do not know what to write, since there is too many to write....gee, i have better write it down in queue. Bear with me ya.
This early June, except those complaints about our college as usual, someone has freaked me out to no where. The moment she came to me, i heard a voice keep on echoing in my brain, "she is here she is here she is here...how?? how?? how??", OMG! I was totally stunned in front of my computer. I have been avoiding her for long, as long as i can, i just couldnt face her anymore. Friendship is hard to define, is solid yet so fragile in contemperanous. I do not know what to do anymore except giving her indifferent responds. I know it is rude, but i want her to find it out herself and stay away from me. i am a moron, i know it. when she told me i am the one who she has always been getting along with, i am tearing apart. i am not as good as you think i am, and i really couldnt get along with you any longer. I am sorry, i am weak too. I know you do no wrong, yet i keep on using trivial excuses to deny you, i know there is a crack, i wonder will you ever find out. On one side i hope you will find it out, on the other, i do not want to hurt you deep, i know that you put me into your heart, so do i...so do i....just that i am always merciless when come to the verge of tears. I dont want to carry the burden anymore, so i pray for someday, someone can really hold on all your sorrow and pay no frustration and reluctants. I am not strong enough, so i couldnt be your strength, i am sorry. But you are in me till the end.
Also, i have gone to EE chien house to pay them a visit. Her mother, i can still feel the helpless and the heartbreaking, it never has gone faded, this wound will not recover.... Gracy asked me once, whether i was still sad, i said," yes, deep inside.". I know gracy is same like me, just that she is numb to everything now. The tragedy brings away most of our happiness, though we try to fake it, smiley still looks awful to us.....We often say not to look back, but without the memory, i doubt i could ever carry on. My health is deteriorate, so do my emotion, just that it covers by a masque.
Hmmm, i must pass my medical resit. First time for IELTS, so i hope i could get it over too!!!! I am so nervous. Then, after this all burdensome and meaningless exams, i want to see valeska, maria, wah yan and etc...perhaps i should go to singapore to see my aunts too....n____n i miss them for sure.Labels: so so
Sherli ♥