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Hmmm, i neglect my blog for too long, now that i do not know what to write, since there is too many to write....gee, i have better write it down in queue. Bear with me ya.

This early June, except those complaints about our college as usual, someone has freaked me out to no where. The moment she came to me, i heard a voice keep on echoing in my brain, "she is here she is here she is here...how?? how?? how??", OMG! I was totally stunned in front of my computer. I have been avoiding her for long, as long as i can, i just couldnt face her anymore. Friendship is hard to define, is solid yet so fragile in contemperanous. I do not know what to do anymore except giving her indifferent responds. I know it is rude, but i want her to find it out herself and stay away from me. i am a moron, i know it. when she told me i am the one who she has always been getting along with, i am tearing apart. i am not as good as you think i am, and i really couldnt get along with you any longer. I am sorry, i am weak too. I know you do no wrong, yet i keep on using trivial excuses to deny you, i know there is a crack, i wonder will you ever find out. On one side i hope you will find it out, on the other, i do not want to hurt you deep, i know that you put me into your heart, so do i...so do i....just that i am always merciless when come to the verge of tears. I dont want to carry the burden anymore, so i pray for someday, someone can really hold on all your sorrow and pay no frustration and reluctants. I am not strong enough, so i couldnt be your strength, i am sorry. But you are in me till the end.

Also, i have gone to EE chien house to pay them a visit. Her mother, i can still feel the helpless and the heartbreaking, it never has gone faded, this wound will not recover.... Gracy asked me once, whether i was still sad, i said," yes, deep inside.". I know gracy is same like me, just that she is numb to everything now. The tragedy brings away most of our happiness, though we try to fake it, smiley still looks awful to us.....We often say not to look back, but without the memory, i doubt i could ever carry on. My health is deteriorate, so do my emotion, just that it covers by a masque.

Hmmm, i must pass my medical resit. First time for IELTS, so i hope i could get it over too!!!! I am so nervous. Then, after this all burdensome and meaningless exams, i want to see valeska, maria, wah yan and etc...perhaps i should go to singapore to see my aunts too....n____n i miss them for sure.

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