untitle
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I dont understand love, but if It is possible, I wish someone can hold me gently, teach me love, and put me in love. My Lord, do you hear my wish? Amitabah
The weekend Melancholy
Monday, February 14, 2011
It was Saturday, I went home after Mr. E’s killing lecture and frowned on the overflow of people at my house. With a sigh, I told myself I could never get used of the crowd. I know myself, how much I desire to be in a quiet environment and can be free from unwanted socializing activities. But life never turns out the way we want, and never fair to certain people, including me.
I wanted to sneak into my room to get a short nap, but was stopped by my mother and ended up greeting my old neighbor, Mrs. Leong, a pleasant woman who let go of me after a short conversation. I quickly went back to my room and knocked on my sis’s door, dragged her out to discharge our duties of entertaining my parent’s guests. Whilst having dinner, along with greeting all those uncles and aunties, I saw my cousins walking into my house. I was surprised by their visit. I thought they wouldn’t be here. Even my long-absent cousin, a very energetic and cute person, KL Loo had come to my house. As usual, after settling ourselves on the chairs, we started chatting. Perhaps due to the long absent, the whole conversation was fun and interesting. We talked about all sort kind of things. We shared some weird experiences and surely, we shared laughter. I was so happy at that moment, a sense of nostalgia across my heart. I couldn’t even recall when was the last time we sat together and chat? This was one of my precious moments. I tell myself, I will never forget this reunion. This reunion, that brought back so much of my memories. However, happiness didn't remain long, the reunion ended after my cousin gone for the next meeting.
The next day, it was a disaster. I learnt a great lesson, that it is time for me to awake from blissfulness, because somehow I don’t belong to all kind of happiness, at least not now. A sudden attack of someone, eventually brought me back to the reality, I guess I just meant to rot in hell to this anonymous, because I am a despicable person, i am an unfilial and disobedient child. Yes, thanks for keep repeating that I am a scumbag like how you described me, a total unfilial being, I am so relief! I don’t need to feel stress for not being able to perform well. From now on, I want to do whatever I like, disregard of what you think of me. Get a job after the CLP, work OT until late at night, and save money to buy my own house, then be in love with someone, have a baby and live on until he/she grows up, then die. All of these, I don’t want you to participate in my decision making at all. Whether you like it or not, is my choice, I won’t stop inhale because you don’t agree with my life and decisions. You can continue cursing me, blaming me for my unfiliality, for I never the best one for you, and stop complaining that you raised me up for 24 years, you don’t need to if you don’t want. I am enough of life being sensitive of what you put to me, I don’t deserve that. Thank you. I am a monster, I am an evil. Sorry that you give birth to such indecent being. Thank you for the 24 years of “taking care” of me, I so appreciated. Thank you!
Labels: so so
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Thursday, August 26, 2010
Suddenly, i understand.
I really cant fall in love with anyone. I am cold blooded...or perhaps, I am just a love disorder.
Viva Espana!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
By handling over the trophy to Spanish, Fifa has finally come to an end. The last match was amazing and i eventually had a chance to see the spanish gentlemen showing their talent on the battlefield! After fifa the next thing in my mind is the assignment, whatsoever i would have to complete in this week...sigh!
Recently has encounter some problems, but thanks to my lovely friends i manage to settle it! I come to refresh my thoughts and i know what i have to do for the next step. The job opportunity as real estate agent i intend to give up because they want me to pay RM500 for training fee...==Hmmmm, anyway i hope i can get sth to do maybe just very short term part time....
...
Monday, July 05, 2010
This life, this unwanted life of mine, this life of mine, which is full of crap, somehow i cant figure a way to fix it. Everybody around me, they are on running, enjoying their life, No matter it is good or bad, they live with a reason.
Me too, my life is being abused by a dictator, whom i cannot defeat. I want to curse, but i am afraid of the karmanic consequence, for it doesnt worth to sacrifice my discipline to someone like that. But is ok, i tell myself so. I will get it over, avenge with luxury in life whom a dictator will never have, redeem my pride and....I want to die as soon as possible. I am not a good person, i dont deserve a happy ending, all i wish is, by the time is here, i can go to the unknown world, even though i go with tears.
So, i start being nervous, when will the day come to me? Shall i regret my wish by that time? No, i tell myself. I am too tired to continue, this complicacy path i am leading.
when i am so down, so being annoyed by the gloomy feeling, i start calling someone, is just forever the few of them, and exercise my mouth. I will never tell them, that i am so lost, i lose myself. We laugh, we speak about memories, that make me recall my school time. I stunned and sighed. I never dreamt of reversing time, because i am so eager, eagerly want to finish this time.
But i will not commit suicide, cause i am a follower of Buddha.
...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Do not know what problems impaired my personality.Do no know what can impair my feeling of incapability.Sher Li, you must work hard for yourself.
delusional and uncomfortable
The title is sucks, i know. I am trying to do blogging in my firm library cos i am super bored. Luckily i will be leaving this firm tomorrow. This firm is great, people are nice, no politic (not 100% ) but still. lesser than others. I met good people. I am still too immature in socialising. Sometimes i spoke soething i dont mean too, sometimes i am too cold and deceiving others that i am odd, and unwelcome. I can feel this all the time, that i am too too reserved. I wonder why my sister can have so many friends, and i am always just a few. So do my friends..they all are so active...How good if i can be as aggressive as thm to make friends. Perhaps i am really a loner. I wish i can do better in others firm.
By the way, my master treats me nice. He run door by door just to make sure while he is on lift there is something i can do before i end my two week attachment with nothing. Miss Hg Hooi Huang is extremely good and friendly, i really lik her. So do Joy, Frances and ji hui and etc...they are extremely good to me. thanks for being kind to a freako and jackass...haha
transformation to miss pussy??? haha
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sherli ♥
