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Monday, July 05, 2010
This life, this unwanted life of mine, this life of mine, which is full of crap, somehow i cant figure a way to fix it. Everybody around me, they are on running, enjoying their life, No matter it is good or bad, they live with a reason.
Me too, my life is being abused by a dictator, whom i cannot defeat. I want to curse, but i am afraid of the karmanic consequence, for it doesnt worth to sacrifice my discipline to someone like that. But is ok, i tell myself so. I will get it over, avenge with luxury in life whom a dictator will never have, redeem my pride and....I want to die as soon as possible. I am not a good person, i dont deserve a happy ending, all i wish is, by the time is here, i can go to the unknown world, even though i go with tears.
So, i start being nervous, when will the day come to me? Shall i regret my wish by that time? No, i tell myself. I am too tired to continue, this complicacy path i am leading.
when i am so down, so being annoyed by the gloomy feeling, i start calling someone, is just forever the few of them, and exercise my mouth. I will never tell them, that i am so lost, i lose myself. We laugh, we speak about memories, that make me recall my school time. I stunned and sighed. I never dreamt of reversing time, because i am so eager, eagerly want to finish this time.
But i will not commit suicide, cause i am a follower of Buddha.
Sherli ♥